POLICY AND PROCEDURE ON THE USE OF “POOP SPRAY”

            So I’m making a large deposit in the lavatory of the facility where I work one day and I pick up the Air Purifier and spray.  I find I’m thinking to myself, “I wonder if this bureaucratic, government facility where I work has a policy and procedure regarding the use of ‘poop spray’.”

            I find myself pondering if the Johnson and Johnson people have guidelines for the use of their product.  Is it best to spray before depositing or after the deposit has been made?  Are courtesy sprays allowed if someone is sitting next to you making their own deposit and you have control of the “poop spray”?

Is it best to spray up into the air or behind your back, closer to the ground?  Is it just me or are there others out there wondering what the best use is of this product?  It seems as though every product these days has an instruction, drawing or warning of some kind on the product.  Why not poop spray?

            How many seconds should you hold down the button in order to eliminate an odor that is say, on a scale of one to ten, an eight?  (A ten being someone definitely died and a one being barely there.)  Is a one even awarded a spray?  And is that person who only did a one, really alive and kicking?  And what about an eleven?  Are you allowed to pitch the poop spray at anyone over a ten?

            Another thing I noticed on the day of my reckoning was that the title of the poop spray is in several languages.  Now in America I can understand why it is written in English and Spanish, but French?  Do the French’s poop stink?  They obviously think they are superior.  Is their poop superior also?  And how many people around you, right at the present time, speak French, or read it on the poop spray for that matter?  Maybe Johnson and Johnson think it sounds more pleasant if they name it something in French instead of just labeling it “Poop Spray”.  Eau de poop spray!

            Also, how about the safety of the product?  If I spray it up my nose by mistake should I flush with water?  Or what about long term sniffing of the product?  For some reason I think smelling the poop spray long term would be about as bad as the smelling of the poop.  At some point in time I think we would all become immune to both of them.

            And another thing, what if you are pregnant?  I remember having some hell-atious poops when I was pregnant.  I don’t recall using poop spray, but what if I did?  Is it harmful to my baby?  Are my kids rotten because I once used poop spray when they were in the womb?

I really feel the government should do major research on this subject.  And I should be in charge.  I could get something like a ten thousand-dollar grant to go out and interview all the companies who produce poop spray.  Then I could find out all the answers to my many questions regarding poop spray.  And find purpose and meaning in my life.

Okay so I’m getting out of hand on this subject.  People have done stupider stuff!

Writer's note:  I obviously wrote this several years ago because I, of course, am retired.

So it took me a while to decide what picture to post with the policy and procedure.  I figure people love good looking food and will open the blog to see if there is a recipe.   I like to make this sandwich after Thanksgiving with turkey leftovers.  I may just try a reuben for St. Patty's Day this year.   Let me know if you want the sandwich recipe and I will make sure you get it.