Saturday, October 15, 2016

I am just sick to death of this election.  I can’t stand either candidate and I hate all the mudslinging from both sides.  I was watching Chelsea last night and that wrestler who became Governor of Minnesota, Jessie somebody, was on.  He said about the election, “When you have to choose between the lesser of two evils, you are still voting for evil.”  He stated that he was voting Independent for Gary Johnson.  I’m still pondering the subject.

And so to change the subject drastically, the food processor that wouldn’t die has done it again.  Several years ago I wanted to make something that required a food processor.  I didn’t want to buy one and so I borrowed one from my neighbor, the lovely Diane.  I think I borrowed it several times that summer.  I did return it after each use.

The next year the lovely Diane’s lovely husband, Jeff, brought the food processor and told me to keep it.  He had bought his lovely Diane a new one.  He pointed out that the food processor he was giving me had a crack and it was going to die anyhow.  (Secretly I worried that I had cracked the food processor.)

So anyhow, I have used the food processor that wouldn’t die so many times it is unbelievable.  It even once pooped at the crack in the stem.  Dark oily crap oozed out of it.  I cleaned it up and it never happened again.  The crack seems to get a little bit bigger each time I use it but so far, so good.

Just yesterday I made nine jars of caramel apple jam.  The food processor that wouldn’t die made them into a shredded mess and the jam is too wonderful for words.

After I got the jam mess cleaned up I baked three of my pie pumpkins that came up voluntarily in my garden this year.  I baked them for an hour, cleaned and peeled them and the FPTWD went through them without a second thought.  I put up three quarts of mashed pumpkin.

The pumpkin will be used to make treats for my little Emily.  The Dog Father has put her on a diet and restricted grains.  I use buckwheat flour for her treats.  And as you may or may not know, buckwheat is not a grain but a seed of a fruit related to rhubarb.  Who’da thunk?

The caramel apple jam, on the other hand, will be Christmas presents for some friends and family.  I saved half a pint for the hubster and myself a little vanilla ice cream treat.  I mentioned it and he said he really would prefer it on a biscuit.  To each her own.

This was my 66th birthday week.  I got a killer of a present.  My back went out.  It had been threatening for a couple of weeks.  I woke up on Wednesday morning about 2:30 almost crying from the pain.  I wallowed in the floor doing my back exercises which I had not been doing for quite some time.  I took a bunch of Advil and an arthritis pill that the doctor prescribed for me.  I took a hot bath with Epsom salts in it and relaxed and stretched in that for a while.

After a day and a half of misery I woke up yesterday morning after sleeping most of the night on a heating pad, and the back was better.  The first step I took was quite dainty to make sure the back was still holding up.  Thank you Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Krishna and all of the others I failed to name.

I did get a couple of nice surprises for my birthday.  About 200 friends on Facebook wished me a good BD.  Love back to all of you.  I mean people literally came out of the cracks in the wall to give me birthday wishes.  It was great seeing your names on my wall after not hearing from you for so long.  (Do you think some people just read the notices and never comment or say anything?  I do.)

On Wednesday I had a package in the mail.  It was a bunch of fresh lemons from the Webbs in Arizona.  They smelled so good and I couldn’t wait.  I had to crush one and squeeze it into water and drink it then and there.  The next day I squeezed a bunch of them and froze an ice cube tray of lemon juice.  I also made a batch of Lemon Squares.  Did they come out great using freshly squeezed lemon juice?  Yes they did.

Yesterday I had another package in the mail.  It was from older daughter, Addi.  In it were a new black t-shirt with no writing and a life supply of dental picks.  The last time Addi and hubster, Sam, had visited they discovered that I use a dental pick and wash it in the dish washer and use it one more time.  They were appalled!

If you didn’t know, I am the cheapest date in the world.  I use my toothpaste down to the very last morsel by folding the tube and keeping it in place using a bobby pin.  I save the little leftovers from bars of soap and melt them to make a new bar.  I once considered washing my dental floss but that is too silly.  Pick yes, floss no.

A couple of years ago I wrapped a special Christmas gift for Addi and Sam.  It had a toothpaste tube, the remains all folded up and completely empty and a few of those chunks of leftover dial soap.  Addi made a video of Sam opening the special gift and the look on his face was astounding.

I know people laugh at me behind my back but I frankly don’t care.  I am cheap, I am a food hoarder, I shop at Goodwill Stores.  I am who I am and if you don’t like it, I couldn't give a rodent’s gluteus maximus.  And besides, most of the stuff I do, I just do for laughs.

Peace be with you.  And may your back always stay in place.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

This week went well for me.  I got my hair frosted across the street from where I live.  My old friend CJ is a part time hairdresser and I had her frost my hair last year and decided I needed to do it again.  We had a fun time catching up and I just love my hair.  The grey is showing these days and I really think I am too old to go back to being an auburn haired woman.

I went to Pecatonica and saw Mark Clark for my hair cut.  He is so funny.  I tell him I want the sides and back cut off but leave it longer on the top.  He gets to talking and just keeps snipping away.  He does give a great haircut.

Yesterday was a day I had been looking forward to for a very long time.  Friend, Garnet, and I decided to go to the Geek Convention in Rockford as we had never been.  We are both such people watchers and knew there would be a lot of folks to check out.

Daughter, Jess, had loaned me her Blind Melon tap dancing bee costume.  Initially, Garnet was going as the bee.  I was planning on wearing my pirate costume or my “I Saved Jesus” t-shirt that Garnet made for me.

Funny story…Garnet has this t-shirt and it says “I have issues.”  On the day I first saw her in it she had a button up shirt over it and I could only see the middle letters.  I asked her if her shirt said, “I saved Jesus.”  She got such a kick out of it that she made me a t-shirt with that on it.  I don’t wear it much because I don’t want to offend any Christians out there.  But still, the story is funny!

Garnet re-watched the Blind Melon video of the little girl in the bee costume and decided her arms were too flabby to wear the outfit and so she went to the nearby second hand story, got a mask and a trench coat and decided she would be a flasher.

I was stuck being the bee and showing off my flabby arms.  But what the heck, the costume was very cute and I wanted to be the bee anyhow.

I drove to Garnet’s house and dressed there while her hubster taped her large diaper in place.  She had made a fake penis and put a squeaky toy inside.  It hung out of her diaper.  She is honestly the most insane person I know and I just love her for it.

She kept telling me how cute I was in the bee costume.  She took forever to finish getting dressed.  We were finally on our way to the convention.  I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going.  Okay I know.  I have a smart phone, why don’t I use it?  We drove down Riverside in Rockford and saw a sign for a sports complex and drove in.  I asked a woman who was in the parking lot if this was where the Geek Convention was and she looked at me in astonishment and said “No, it’s a soccer field.”  Dumb me.  I had let her see my costume for nothing.

We drove further down Riverside and finally saw another sign for another sports complex and turned in.  The guy in the orange alert jacket told me with a laugh that I was at the right place.  He said I looked like a giant bee.  Thanks a lot.  My arms aren’t that big.
We parked and as we got out we sighted a guy putting on a Transformers costume.  It was huge.  He looked great and all kinds of people were gathering around him.  As we walked by I heard one person say, “Oh look at the bee.”  Attention – that’s all I require.

I got several smiles as we walking to the entrance.  I was leading Garnet because she couldn’t get the mask straightened to see well.  It turned out that I was leading her all over.  If I turned away she turned the other way and lost me.

Several people stopped up and asked for photographs.  There were no cameras allowed but everyone had their smart phones out taking pictures.  I was so pissed because I can’t seem to get my photos from my phone to my computer.  I took some photos anyhow.  It seems there were several “celebrities” at the convention and you had to pay them to take your photo with them.  Hence, no cameras.

I ran into my neighbor’s son who looks just like Jake Gyllenhaal and so I had Garnet take our photo so I could say I had my picture taken with a star.  She takes lousy pictures except with her own phone and so Max had his buddy take a picture of us.

We walked around for an hour or so and decided to have a seat and people watch.  We found a circle of folding chairs and each took one.  More people stopped to take our photos and we took a couple of Batman and his sidekick, another Batman and his sidekicks and Willy Wonka.

A gentleman came over and asked us to move since the circle was for playing a game and we weren’t playing we were watching.  We moved upstairs to the concession area and discovered they didn’t sell beer.  The line for food was very long and we didn’t feel like waiting in line.  We sat by the window and watched the convention for a while and pointed out various costumes and freaks.

I asked her what she thought and she said it was like a home show with comic books and freaks.  I said I was hungry and wanted to split and go eat something and get a beer.
We left after only two hours at the convention.  Ten dollar lesson learned.

We went to Long John Silver’s and got our lunch.  I got quite a few stares in my costume.  I ran into my old mechanic who got a chuckle out of me.  Two guys asked if they could take my picture with them.  What fun!

And so our adventure that we had looked so forward to did not pan out like we thought.  I had a blast and loved wearing the costume.  Thanks Jess.

Here is a website where you can see photos of all the costumes at the show.  https//

This photo looks like one of those puppies with their big nose right in the camera.

Peace be with you.