“Are we really happy here with this lonely game we play?  Looking for words to say.  Searching but not finding understanding anyway.”  We’re lost in this Mask Parade.

I was singing this song the other day and inserted the Mask Parade part. It is supposed to be Masquerade.   But isn’t this just so apropos?

I find that as I got out the door each day, I have to remind myself of the mask I am wearing.

The other day I found myself without my mask and was just running into the store for a simple item.  I did the Bazooka Joe thing and pulled my shirt up over my mouth and nose

In this horrible day and age, I find that I am not embarrassed by much of anything.  I wear clothes for days; my hair stands up all over the place and I’m sure I have bad breath.  I noticed that more because of the mask.  I haven’t worn makeup in I don’t know how long, even if I bathe and dress up to go out.

I am looking forward to the day when I get up, take a shower, put on a little eye liner, do my eyebrows and swathe on some lip gloss.  We shall go back to the living and the time of personal hygiene pride.

I have been reading some really strange stuff lately.  I read the three Little Women series.  I read Anne of Green Gables.  Of course, these are all freebies on-line.

I just picked up Lost Horizon from my library upstairs and read that.  If you haven’t read this book, I highly suggest it.  In it a monk tells the protagonist, “Exhaustions of the passions is the beginning of wisdom.”  I asked myself, “what am I passionate about?”

The dictionary explains “passion” as a feeling of love or lust.  It is an amorous feeling of desire.  I looked around the room I was in and asked myself, “is there anything in the room that if I lost, I would be very sad?”  I couldn’t find anything in that room except for my dog that I would feel lost without.

I am to the point in my life that I want rid of my possessions.  I have accumulated forty-eight years of possessions.  And now I am stuck with my husband’s possessions as well.  And there is not one thing except the dog that I would just die without.

Later that evening, lost in thought, I wrote down, “There once was a man who took my breath away, and then there was a man who gave my breath back to me.”  Which was more valuable to my life?

Have you noticed that sometimes it is hard to breath with a mask on?  I have been watching “Grey’s Anatomy” on Netflix.  The masks that the doctors wear are so familiar to me.  Are we getting used to this Mask Parade?

https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJzj4tFP1zcsNjDNLjIoSjJg9BLPSc3PUygqLS5OzclRyE0sLixNLUpMSQUA-HUNeA&q=leon+russell+masquerade&oq=Leon&aqs=chrome.1.69i59j46j69i57j0l2j46l3.2506j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Lonely is:

Not cleaning your house because no one visits to see it, and you don’t care.

Wanting someone to visit but you’d have to bathe.

The quiet of the house is driving you bonkers.

You’re tired of doing puzzles.

Letting the laundry back up because you wear the same thing for a week or more and you don’t really care.

Wanting to call someone but you haven’t done anything to talk to them about and you feel guilty if they have news and it reminds you that you have no life.

Understanding about that guy in the movie who yelled out the window, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore”, but realizing it wouldn’t make any difference because everyone else is in the same boat as you are.

Talking to the dog because she needs to know that you are doing things like brushing your teeth or going to pee.

Thinking “F it” and having a glass of wine and taking a nap at 11:00 am.

Being elated over visiting the mailbox and waving to your neighbor.

Your refrigerator is clean because you’re not shopping for groceries because you’re not cooking and eating.

Eating a sandwich over the sink so not to dirty dishes or use a napkin.

Having time to paint your toenails, brush the dog and trim her toenails.

Wanting to go bike riding but you’re old and scared of falling.

Wanting to take a walk but it is too hot, and the mosquitoes are killer.

Lonely is the pits.

Peace be with us all.

Some thoughts on Corona Virus and others

Last night as usual I was up and awake at 2 in the morning.  I kept having these thoughts and I got up and wrote them down.  I haven’t written anything in a very long time.

This virus is killing the lower and middle class, which I think the 1% is so in favor of.

Why should you limit boating to two people:  if five people in the same family who have been together through the whole cluster fuck of stupidity, why can’t they cannot go boating in their own boat?

Try going through this pandemic when your husband of 34 years has just died, and you are alone but for one or two days a week!  Thank God, sweet baby Jesus, Buddha, Shiva, Mohammed and all the other gods for my daughter and her husband.  They have been visiting one day a week helping me out with chores I can’t do and making dinner for us in the evening.  And I have been going to their place for a night of dinner and board games.

I am very thankful for my family and friends who have been checking up on me.  Never a day goes by that I don’t get a call or text from someone special to me just to check up on how I am doing that day.  A true friend is a gift from God.

Some of my friends and neighbors have started having Social Distance Parties.  We gather on someone’s driveway, bring our own chair and a beer.  We laugh and talk about various topics.  Someone brings a favorite joke to share.  It is such a relief to me to be around folks that I care about, and it refreshes my soul to be out of my house and in the open air with loving friends.  Humans need social interaction, but we have gone several years not socializing remaining on our phone, computer or notebook and not interacting in person.

In the past week I have seen families outside playing together in their yard, going on long walks and taking the dog.  (I believe dogs have Cabin Fever as well as we humans do.) 

Families are rediscovering old board games and jigsaw puzzles.  And I love it.

I’ve heard in Illinois that there is a large fine for being out without a mask.  Aren’t there just some creative masks out there?  I just hope they are safe enough so we can eventually kick this Mother’s butt!

Protesters are out there in the streets, some with masks and some without.  They will probably cause a mass growth of this virus and we will have to suffer further because of their stupidity.

I’m not one to be a sheep and follow the crowd, but this is a serious illness.  I’m 69 years old and I sure don’t want to get it.

I, personally, am climbing the walls.  I can’t pack up stuff because the Goodwill stores are closed.  And so, after packing at least 10 boxes and sent them before this began, I have lost my desire to pack up my junk.  My plan at the present time is to get rid of all my junk, try and sell as much stuff as I can and hopefully sell my house to downsize.

I’ve never been alone in my life.  I always had family or a roommate.  I am so thankful for my dog, Emily, whom the hubster picked but she became my dog.

Desperately trying to keep to my routine of making a list in the morning of what I want to accomplish.   That list is not getting crossed off.  Some days I just stay in my jammies and read or do puzzles that are scattered all over my house.  Some days I forget to eat.

My garden, what’s left of it, is going to suffer this year but I only have raspberries, strawberries and asparagus (which I am cutting every day).  If anyone would like a handful of asparagus, let me know.

I fear that the flower beds will not be flowering this year.  But come to think of it, maybe we should all plant a million flower seeds everywhere just to remind ourselves that there is a future ahead.

How long will this continue?  Just when we felt we got it in hand, “they”” extend the “Stay at Home” isolation order.

I am so very lucky that I have friends and family who check up on me.  Thank you all so much.  It means the world to me.

I encourage you all to have a Social Distancing Party.  Bring your chair and sit six feet apart and wear your masks.  Bring a funny joke or story to tell and be safe.  Laughter will get us through this.

After this is over, I think when we meet others on the street or in stores, instead of saying, “hi”, put your fist to your heart.  Remember, we are all in this together.

I haven't blogged in quite some time because I've had a constant neck and back ache.  However, I was cleaning my computer today and came across this I wrote several years ago.  Hope there no offense.  It was written tongue in cheek.  I love this face on Jess.

           I hate kids.  There, I’ve said it.  Now deal with it!  I can’t stand being around them.  I don’t really want to look at their new pictures.  You have them.  So keep them to yourselves.  Mine are in college and almost no trouble at all, and I don’t look forward to being a Grandmother, thank you.

            When I go to a restaurant and they ask me, “Smoking or non-smoking?” I just say, “As long as there are no children, I don’t care.  Please excuse me but I get to go out to a restaurant maybe once a month and I don’t want to listen to some snotty nosed kid whine about wanting pop not milk or needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of your Porterhouse.

I especially don’t want to listen to you try to get the kid to eat what is in front of him when I had to watch you feed him crackers and cookies while waiting for your food.  I actually watched a mother feed her kid those little plastic tubs of jelly while waiting for breakfast one morning and then she couldn’t understand why he was bouncing off the walls instead of eating his eggs when they arrived.

Sure, when my girls were little I thought they were God’s gift to humanity.  I still think they have a lot of potential.  When they were babies, I nursed them and I didn’t get too far from them until they were weaned.    When they were toddlers I did not drag them to adult parties where people might have been drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes or telling jokes they didn’t need to hear.  They went to bed at 8:00 which is when I had my time to my husband and myself.  They sure as heck didn’t sleep in my bed.

I suppose I am from the old school.  I do believe kids should be seen and not heard at least until they have practiced their manners with their peers.  I have always felt that we were just renting our kids for a few years.  They are little people in training to become adults, on their own, away from me.  They go and have their lives and I get mine back.

Sure I miss my girls quite frequently but that does not mean I want to be entertained by your rugrats.  I have to admit that I do know several kids who are pretty well house broken.  They have good manners, don’t whine or pick their nose in public.  They are pretty fun to talk to and to kid around with.

On second thought, maybe I don’t hate kids.  Maybe I just hate bad parents.