I got this horrible brain worm the other day. I was singing “What’s your name” by Don and Juan. I thought it was by Sam and Dave but I was wrong. Anyhow, the song is about this lunatic teenage boy who is stalking some chick that has large breasts.
I’m am obsessively singing this song and thinking that this is the dumbest song ever written. First of all, the guy wants to know her name and can only believe it is Mary or Sue. Granted the song is from the sixties and that was before people started making up names like Shegundala and Lemonjello. Then he says she has “charms” and obviously, she has large breasts, since he doesn’t know her.
The line is “it’s so hard to find a personality with charms like yours for me, ohh, eee, ohh, eee, ohh, eee.” Man, they just don’t write them like that anymore.
The next verse goes something like,” What’s your name, have I seen you before? What’s your name, can I walk you to your door.” I rewrote it to say, “Can I hump you on the floor?”
Next he is standing on a corner waiting for her to come along so his heart (crotch) can be satisfied. He then wants to be her number one, when in actuality he is a number two, under the moon, under the start and under the sun (him).
So, whatever happened to Don and Juan? They died in 82 and 02 and were mentioned in a movie once.
After I had torn apart “What’s your name?” I started thinking about other songs that were ridiculous. The first that came to mind was Elton John’s “Your Song.” I loved that song but when you think about the lyrics you know Bernie Taupin was on drugs when he wrote it and needed to do more.
The first verse is very sweet but it goes from sweet to inane. “Sat on the roof and kicked off some moss. A few of the verses have got me quite cross.” Then do another hit and rethink the strategy. Bernie, you should be ashamed! And then, “Excuse me forgetting but these things I do. You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue.” What things?
I do love this song but it is moronic. Bernie, rewrite this song, please.
The other song that came to mind is one that I love singing. It is “Words” by Neil Young. Now in my opinion, Neil Young is one of the greatest song writers every. But “Words” is so inane.
“Someone and someone were down by the pond” he doesn’t even know who he is writing about. Maybe, “Mary and Sue were down by the pond?” And they are looking for something to plant in the lawn. I think Mary and Sue are starting to grow marijuana. And he is sitting and hoping that the water will boil? What is that all about? I changed the lyrics to “sitting here hoping I don’t get a boil.”
I’m not sure about the line “Words between the lines of age.” I always thought it was too heavy for me to understand.
Now Neil goes way beyond my imagination with “If I was a junkman, selling you cars, washing your windows and shining your stars”. Oh Neil please shine my star!
“Thinking your mind was my own in a dream, what would you wonder and how would it seem.” Sorry Neil but my mind is so far removed, you could never own it. But then I could never come up with a king and a castle after all the above aforementioned idiocy. “The king started laughing and talking in rhyme.” Did this come from Alice’s rabbit hole?
So many wonderful songs by Neil Young but this one is just too far gone.
Let me know what songs you think are the stupidest lyrics ever. I could rewrite them too.
Peace be with you.