What aspects of raising children didn’t turn out as you expected?

I never really planned on having children.  I was the youngest in my family and was never around children.  I didn’t babysit or really have many friends that had little sibblings.  I just got really tired of taking birth control pills and my diaphragm let me down.

I was pretty scared to say the least, with my first child.  Thank goodness, my mother was close.  And I had three friends who had babies in the same year.  I guess my absolute and total love for the little person won me over.

The care and maintenance of child rearing came easily.  At least, I didn’t break her.  I really enjoyed caring for my baby.  It was when she started walking and talking that was hard.  Luckily, my first child was pretty easy.  She nursed well, learned to talk pretty fast and minded me very well.  She was so pleasant!

I thought she would never potty train.  We had a little potty chair in the bathroom and I put her on it every time I had to “go”.  We would take a book with us and I either read to her or asked her to name various objects in the book.  She finally potty trained after her dad took her with him to visit a friend.  She pooped her pants and he brought her straight home and threatened to never take her with him again.  Click, she understood, and I never had another problem with potty training.

Now that second child gave me fits.  She cried and whined all the time.  She was needy and wanted to be held often.  She was slow to learn to talk but I had the first one to interpret.  This child potty trained at the babysitter.  There was a teenage girl who took her under her wing.  She asked me to bring some panties for the child.  I sent a couple of pairs of panties and sure enough, she was potty trained in no time at all.

I feel that most of the time I was a pretty good mother.  Patience was not my best quality and I lost my temper and yelled quite often.  Evidently, I didn’t scar them for life.  They seem to be pretty happy adults and I don’t think either of them had to have counseling.

When the second one graduated from high school, their homeroom teacher sent us a letter which I have cherished.  One paragraph read, “This is a paragraph for Mom.  Now when I met Mom, lo, these six years ago, I quickly realized that she’s crazy.  You know, the nice kind of crazy.  (Perhaps you girls have noticed this quality of hers?)  As the parent-teacher conferences progressed, I began to see that her kind of crazy seemed to be working; her girls seemed happy and were obviously doing well with their talents.  But, Mom, I simple must share with you something Jessica said the last week of school—something that so unique that it still brings tears to my eyes.  Perhaps she and I were alone a moment during homeroom.  I must have said, “You and your mom get along well, don’t you?” Her answer was precious. She said, “I adore my mother.  There is not one iota about her that I would change!”  This is unique in my 20 years of teaching.  It is such a testament to your “kind of crazy”.  It has worked.  Your girls love you so.  And Jessica is the one who showed me this.”

And I still have an email that Addi sent me in 2003.  I must have had bugged her about my computer.  She wrote, “I just wanted to tell you that I love you.  And that I don’t mind helping you with your computer.  You fed and diapered me, educated me and loved me 

unconditionally.  I figure after all that I owe you some guilt-free tech support.”

I suppose the part of raising children that turned out unexpectedly is that I am loved--by two of the most wonderful people in my life.  They don’t hate me because I would let them have a cabbage patch doll.  (Their father finally broke down and got them.)  They don’t resent that they had to drive their Great Grandmother’s AMC Concord while the other kids got new cars.  They lived through not having designer clothes and shoes.  Heck, they even invited me to be a chaperone on their marching band tour to Minnesota.

I am complete!

Peace be with you.