I got this horrible brain worm the other day.  I was singing “What’s your name” by Don and Juan.  I thought it was by Sam and Dave but I was wrong.  Anyhow, the song is about this lunatic teenage boy who is stalking some chick that has large breasts.

I’m am obsessively singing this song and thinking that this is the dumbest song ever written.  First of all, the guy wants to know her name and can only believe it is Mary or Sue.  Granted the song is from the sixties and that was before people started making up names like Shegundala and Lemonjello.  Then he says she has “charms” and obviously, she has large breasts, since he doesn’t know her.

The line is “it’s so hard to find a personality with charms like yours for me, ohh, eee, ohh, eee, ohh, eee.”  Man, they just don’t write them like that anymore.

The next verse goes something like,” What’s your name, have I seen you before?  What’s your name, can I walk you to your door.”  I rewrote it to say, “Can I hump you on the floor?”

Next he is standing on a corner waiting for her to come along so his heart (crotch) can be satisfied.  He then wants to be her number one, when in actuality he is a number two, under the moon, under the start and under the sun (him).

So, whatever happened to Don and Juan?  They died in 82 and 02 and were mentioned in a movie once.

After I had torn apart “What’s your name?” I started thinking about other songs that were ridiculous.  The first that came to mind was Elton John’s “Your Song.”  I loved that song but when you think about the lyrics you know Bernie Taupin was on drugs when he wrote it and needed to do more.

The first verse is very sweet but it goes from sweet to inane. “Sat on the roof and kicked off some moss.  A few of the verses have got me quite cross.”  Then do another hit and rethink the strategy.  Bernie, you should be ashamed!  And then, “Excuse me forgetting but these things I do.  You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue.”  What things?

I do love this song but it is moronic.  Bernie, rewrite this song, please.

The other song that came to mind is one that I love singing.  It is “Words” by Neil Young.  Now in my opinion, Neil Young is one of the greatest song writers every.  But “Words” is so inane.

“Someone and someone were down by the pond” he doesn’t even know who he is writing about. Maybe, “Mary and Sue were down by the pond?”  And they are looking for something to plant in the lawn.  I think Mary and Sue are starting to grow marijuana.  And he is sitting and hoping that the water will boil?  What is that all about?  I changed the lyrics to “sitting here hoping I don’t get a boil.”

I’m not sure about the line “Words between the lines of age.”  I always thought it was too heavy for me to understand.

Now Neil goes way beyond my imagination with “If I was a junkman, selling you cars, washing your windows and shining your stars”.  Oh Neil please shine my star!

“Thinking your mind was my own in a dream, what would you wonder and how would it seem.”  Sorry Neil but my mind is so far removed, you could never own it.  But then I could never come up with a king and a castle after all the above aforementioned idiocy.  “The king started laughing and talking in rhyme.”  Did this come from Alice’s rabbit hole?

So many wonderful songs by Neil Young but this one is just too far gone.

Let me know what songs you think are the stupidest lyrics ever.  I could rewrite them too.

Peace be with you.

This rainy weather has really been getting to me.  I can’t go outside and play in the dirt, I can’t take the dog for a walk, nor can I just look outside and dream of the time when I will be out there, warm and sweaty from the exhaustion of gardening, with a smile on my face.

Yesterday I decided to look into my jar of “things to do on a rainy day”.  I pulled out “pedicure” and decided that was exactly what I needed to do.  It is almost spring and that means sandal time. I do not do flipflops because I detest them. I do have a spare pair that I take with me if I go do a professional pedicure. Don’t you hate it when you get a fresh pedicure and have to put your socks back on and the pedicure is then corduroy?

I got out my old hospital sponge bath basin and ran the hot water.  I sat on the counter and dipped my feet into the warm water.  I scrubbed down with this wonderful sugar scrub that I made which has sage and coconut oil in it.   My feet were “oohing and aahing”.  I had to wash them with soapy water to get all the oil off my feet. I scrubbed them down with a rough towel and they felt like velvet.

What is it with feet?  We travel miles and miles on them in our lives but hardly ever give them the queen for a day treatment.  I remember back when I was about thirty something and I realized that I would never have nice fingernails and so I decided to start dressing up my toes.

Once when we were at the beach a little girl said to me, “Oh, you have makeup on your toes.” That was so precious.  We all should put makeup on our toes.  Even guys.  Feet are just the most wonderful appendages.  We use them every day and do so take them for granted.

I have had two surgeries on my right foot.  The first was a neuroma between my second and third toe.  It took some time for that puppy to heal but it was nothing compared to the second operation on that foot. I had to have the neuroma removed again and then I had bunions on the inside and outside of my foot taken care of. (I have the prettiest right foot which I refer to as Frankenfoot.)  It took over six months just to get over the swelling of the darn foot. I had to wear these socks that I could barely get on, they were so tight.  My hands hurt so badly just getting them scrunched up to put on my foot.  And then I had to smush my poor scarred foot into the vise sock.

People ask me if I am going to get my other foot done and I can tell them plainly, “Only if I get shot in that foot with a shotgun.”  Or jackhammered.

The point I am trying to make is that we should have an “Appreciate your feet day”.  We all get foot massages, pedicures and do “legs up the wall” for ten minutes.  Maybe even just go swimming and get off of them for a while.  We could wear outrageous socks.  Get flags painted on our toenails.  Fly foot flags outside.

When I was in my younger days and did really stupid things (yes, I did) I could light a Zippo lighter with my toes.  I could also pinch someone really hard with my toes.  My feet must have taken revenge on me for doing stupid things with my toes.

I have three dear friends who are reflexologists.  These people are martyrs.  They tend to the most disgusting part of a person’s body to help make them well.  If you aren’t familiar with reflexology it is a science based on the theory that there are reflex points in the feet relative to areas of the body.  It can be painful but it is also quite effective.  There is something quite sensual about having your feet attended to.

And so, dear reader, I attended to my own feet yesterday and gave myself a pedicure.  I couldn’t decide on the color.  I went with teal first but when I opened the jar it was a little dry.  I dumped that and decided on a very pretty orange.  I once got a pedicure in Arizona and they did a Cincinnati Bengal theme on my toes.

I did a base coat, two coats of color and two top coats.  That should last me for about four weeks.  When I will give it up and go have them done professionally.

Life is good.  I have feet that work, even if they are very ugly.  I appreciate my feet.  Please appreciate yours.

Peace be with you.

Photo is of my Bengal  pedicure because I still can't find my photos from my intelligent smart phone.

On Friday I met with friends and we went to the Goodwill store in Delavan.  I got a new purse, some ribbon and a queen-sized sheet which I hope will become the back of my newest quilt. We have been going to this Goodwill for years.  It is a huge store and has a ton of really good stuff. I have purchased items of clothing with the tags still on them.  The queen-sized sheet was still in its original package.  ($2.99 can beat it.?)

We had some excellent laughs as we found so many interesting things.  I found a very cute wooden sun mirror and picked it up for Nancy. She is making fairy gardens around her yard and I thought it would be a good choice of items. She got it.

I rummaged through a bunch of puzzles, toys and games and found the most hilarious game called Exploding Kittens.  It brought back memories of one of my best friend’s son.  He isn’t my FB friend so I am not spoiling the surprise.  I bought the game and sent it to him.  Years ago, we used to go out in our boats on the lake and tie up together.  We called it flotilla.  The kids would swim in the lake and the adults would indulge in refreshing beverages.  We sometimes brought and shared dinner out there.  If the kids got bored we played games.  One game was called, “101 things to do with a dead cat.”

Friend, Ellie, is a cat lover and hated when we played this.  I think she managed a few laughs though.

The Exploding Kittens game reminded me of this and Ellie’s son, Jay.  It brought back many memories of Jay and all the outrageous things he and my girls used to do.

Back to the Goodwill story.  I looked through all the t-shirts but didn’t find any good ones.  They do have a bunch of ladies World Series Cubs t-shirts if you are looking for one.  Several years ago, I got my husband a t-shirt at this store that read, “Armed and Hammered.”  He wore it until it was tatters.  I sewed it back together because it is such a great shirt.

I managed to get away from the Goodwill store spending only $40.  I’m trying to get rid of stuff at my age.  I got a package of good pencils for only a quarter.  (I do the quiptogram in the newspaper and you have got to have a good eraser for this, and no, I don’t do it in ink but I do the crossword in ink.)  I also got four in-the-package glue sticks for only $2.00.  The ribbons I got were 50 cents each and one package had about 8 rolls for $1.99.

We ventured on down the highway to one of my favorite restaurants, Daddy Maxwell’s.  It looks like an igloo and is decorated with the inanest stuff.  They have Christmas lights over the windows with fluffy clouds of garland.  On this they put stuffed animals, Dr. Seuss creatures and really kitschy stuff like that. I love the place.  Look it up on line as I couldn’t snarf a photo.

The best part about Daddy’s is that you can get a beer.  We all got Spotted Cows.  Nancy and I got the fish tacos and Garnet got a grill tomato and cheese sandwich.  We shared deep fried cheese curds.

Somewhere during this luncheon Nancy told us the sillies joke about someone going to see a shrink.    This reminded me of a great old joke.  A man goes to see a psychiatrist wrapped in Saran wrap and the shrink says, “I can clearly see your nuts.”  We were laughing so hard Nancy got a stitch pain. I was almost crying at my own silly joke.  So then Garnet pops up with this one.  She is standing next to two guys at the Goodwill and overhears one of them ask the other, “have you smelled moth balls?” He answers, “yes,” so Garnet chimes in, “how did you get their little legs apart?”  I almost peed my pants.

Luckily, we were the only customers in that room at the time because we were laughing so loud and with such gusto.  I noticed that when new customers came in they put them in the other dining room.

Daddy Maxwell’s is known for its homemade pies and cakes.  They had carrot cake and cherry pie that day.  Decisions, decisions…  I opted for the carrot cake and Nancy and I shared it. It was not nearly as wonderful as my carrot but it was a good second. They made it with cream cheese frosting.  I make mine with Caramel.

Since Nancy drove (we call her van the Septran bus because it is huge and can carry seven people.) Garnet and I paid her lunch bill.  It came to eight dollars each.  Garnet gave me the eight bucks and I went and paid my bill and half of Nancy’s. I was still braindead from all the laughter. So Garnet pays her bill and the confused waitress asks who pays the other half of Nancy’s bill.  Garnet calls me over and says, “I gave you the eight dollars.”  I felt like an idiot!  We gave the waitress a very good tip.

On the way home, we stopped for beer and to use the restroom.  I had the most fun day I have had in a very long time.  I hope the other girlfriends who backed out on this trip will make it for the next one.

Photo above is not at Daddy Maxwell's but is a bunch of my favorite girlfriends in the world.

Peace be with you.

I am so very tired of my own cooking that yesterday I decided to cook something my mom and aunts used to make but I had only made once and wasn't very impressed with the results.  I made Chicken and Dumplings.  I opted to not go with the Bisquick method of making dumplings as that was the recipe I used years ago.

I got out my grandma's old cookbook, and sure enough, there was a recipe. The only herb or spice called for besides salt and pepper was parsley.  Being the herb freak that I am I had to do something about this.

We save all our chicken bones, wing tips and skin and made chicken broth when we run out.  I cook it all day, cool it down and make it into ice cubes and freeze it for use. When I made this stuff I put in onions, garlic, celery, carrots and lots of herbs.  It is delicious.

I decided to go with this method of herb madness for my recipe.  The hubster was taking a nap while I did this and when he got up he asked, "what are you cooking?  It smells great!."

I had told him that morning that I was making C & Ds.  I reiterated.

I posted on FB that I had done this and got several replies of "yum, yum", and one request for the recipe.  I have typed that up as best as I could.  I will tell you this. I added two cubes of my homemade chicken broth and some dried onion flakes and garlic flakes. That is the only difference.

Chicken and Dumplings    

One whole chicken cut up or your favorite pieces

1/3 cup chopped onion       1/3 cup chopped celery       1/3 cup chopped carrots

1 garlic clove minced          Saute all this stuff in a large cooking vessel.  Take off heat.

Add the chicken.  Cover the chicken with water.

Add some crushed sage, thyme, parsley and salt and pepper.

Cook on low heat for 1 ½ to 2 hours depending on how you like your chicken.

12 minutes before serving…

Dumplings:

1 ½ cups flour, 3 tsp baking powder, ½ tsp salt.  Sift this three times. Add ¾ cup milk and a tsp minced parsley.

Open up the pot and be sure it is close to boiling.  Dip spoon into the broth and then lift a spoonful of the dumpling mixture into the pot.  Dipping the spoon insures that the dumpling comes off the spoon.  Repeat until all the dumplings are in the pot.  Turn the heat down, cover and cook for 12 minutes.  You can thicken the gravy leftover if you wish but I like mine thin.

I have to say that I will probably make this again.  I don't anticipate changes because it was quite delicious if I say so myself.

Photo was not taken but supplied through Google Images.

Peace be with you.

I haven’t written anything in a very long time.  I am still frustrated with my inability to deal with my new computer and pictures from my camera and phone.

This morning I woke up thinking “very slowly”.  I believe I had been dreaming something and someone said “very slowly” to me.  I awoke and thought “very slowly what?”  My mind went to thoughts of things that I do very slowly.  If you know me, you know that I am pretty hyperactive. And it is hard being hyperactive in this laid-back world.  People just don’t understand.

I have been doing yoga for a very long time.  My first class was when I was in my early twenties.  I’m 66 this year.  I learned quickly that Pranayama yoga was for me.  When your mind is concentrating on your breath you leave stress and anxiety behind for a while.  And so, my first thing that I do very slowly is yoga breathing.

I took a class in Qi Gong a couple of years ago,  If you don’t know Qi Gong is a breathing exercise.  You have body movements but each movement coordinates with inhalation and exhalation.  The movement has to last as long as the breath.  I can breathe really slow and so I must move my body very slowly.  You are supposed to do each exercise nine times but I get so lost in concentrating on being slow that I lose count.  And why nine?  In yoga, everything is even.  My suggestion as to why nine, is because of the shape of yin-yang.  What do you think?

One of my favorite books ever is Shibumi by Travanian.  Shibumi means effortless perfection.  In the book Nicolai has a lover, Hanna, and they perform these erotic sex acts upon each other.  And they do them very slowly.  The hubster and I once tried to do sex very slowly but it didn’t work.  We were too excited.  And so, I don’t do sex very slowly.  But Nicolai and Hanna did and it was exciting.

I do have this recipe for candied peanuts.  It is the trickiest recipe I have ever made, even trickier than my homemade caramel frosting which put on carrot cake.  I use raw peanuts and add cayenne pepper and lime juice to the recipe.  I have made it five times.  I have ruined it three times. You must keep your heat very low and stir constantly.  In the blink of an eye they can burn and be ruined.  But if you go very slowly and they are successful, they are a marvelous treat.

Okay, enough of slow things.  I wish could remember that dream.

Since getting older, yes, I have noticed lately that I am getting older, I write things to remember on my calendar and then can’t read them later.  I just looked at my calendar to see what is up for April and on the seventh I wrote WW Ret.  I could not remember for the life of me what in the world that was all about. As I am writing this I realize that it is the Wild Women’s Retreat in Rockford and I can’t go.  The hubster and Emily the dog do not get along well enough for me to leave her overnight let alone a whole weekend.

The pros and cons of adopting a rescue dog.  I love her and will give up some comforts for her benefit.  We have been walking in the campground this winter.  No one else is around and so I let her off her leach and she runs and jumps and has the best time. She does what I call sproing-boing.  Emmie Lou Sproing-Boing is her new nickname.  She goes potty and then steps away and scratches at the ground to cover it up.  Then she flings herself into the air and turns around. And then jumps some more and runs away.  It looks like sproing-boing.  She is just so entertaining.

I haven’t written in so long but today it seems that I have so much to say.

I love reading recipes online and finding new things to try.  I read one just the other day that called for unsalted butter but they added salt to the recipe.  I read another one today and it called for unsalted beef broth but added salt to the recipe.  Is it just me or do you think this is wrong?

I have been using pink Himalayan salt for the past year or so.  I cut salt out of my diet almost completely several years ago.  I like salt and I missed it. I read that the H salt has more minerals than regular iodized salt or sea salt. I must have salt on 1.  Corn on the cob, 2.  Scrambled eggs, 3.  Tomatoes, 4. Potatoes, and occasionally watermelon.  I like it on sour apples too.

And speaking of iodized salt, one of my friends in high school’s mom posed for the iodized salt girl on the box back in the 1920’s or some time.

Another salty item – corned beef.  The hubster’s trick to corned beef is that he washes it several times the day he is going to cook it.  His corned beef is delicious and I don’t swell up the next day.

Two of the best cooking tricks I have ever learned are about hash browns and tomatoes from the grocery store.

When cooking hash browns and you are about to turn them over, put a dinner plate on top of the fry pan and flip them over. You can then just slide them back into the pan.

And if you have to purchase tomatoes at the grocery store you can make them almost edible if you leave them out and don’t refrigerate them.  Slice them or cut them up and add some salt to them. Leave them out at room temperature. The salt draws the humidity to the surface of the tomato and they almost taste like a real tomato.

I have decided to entitle this article “Very slowly salting.”

Peace be with you.

All my favorite people are broken.  This is a song by Over the Rhine and I didn’t grasp the full meaning of it until lately. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ea9uy6Mngk

Two of my friends are fighting a cancer battle, three have lost their husbands in the recent past, one is fighting her own inner turmoil, two have broken body parts, two are battling their thyroids, and one who broke her leg is finally riding her motorcycle again.

And I sit here and moan and cry and it does nothing.  Would you, if able, give a day of your own life to know your friend would live one more day?  Just to have one more day with them?  Would you give a week, a month, a year?  I think we all would, in a heartbeat.

I just want to emphasize that we must give to them in the here and now.  Give with your love and your time.  Go kayaking.  Go to the Conservatory.  Go walk in the forest.  Give them your time now and tell them that you love them and care.

Tomorrow I’ll still have my breasts, my husband beside me, a good shoulder and be able to walk on two legs.  Sure my shoulder hurts, but I’ve got everything I need.

Is this what old age is?  Watching your friends deteriorate?  I’m deteriorating but not quite as fast.  I can’t do anything but watch and cry and pray and give consolation,.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we could give them a day of our lives for them to live happily and fully for one more day?

Peace be with you.

I saw an interesting little story the other day.  It was about feedbags.  Back in the depression years, mothers would take empty flour sacks and various other feedbags and turn them into dresses and shirts for their kids.  In return the companies that produced the products began to make the bags in pretty designs.  And so a simple plain white feedbag was suddenly a red print with little black Scottie dogs or brown material with horses and pastures.  I thought to myself, “What a wonderful thing for these folks to have done.”  I’m sure the kids that got new flour sack clothing were thrilled.

I have just finished the most recent quilt that I have made.  It is made entirely of old blue jeans and material that I already had on hand.  I, as most of you already know, am the queen of miserdom.  I squeeze my toothpaste tube completely dry before I pitch it.  I use my floss picks twice or until they break, washing them in the dish washer between uses.

I have made two quilts for my girls’ college graduation made entirely of used materials.  I used their old sheets, clothing, Grandma and Grandma’s old clothing and even old t-shirts and p.j.s.  After I made the quilt I wrote a story about the materials in the quilt, where they came from and their special meaning.  I made two other quilts using a lot of clothing I had gathered at my parent’s house after they passed away.  My mom was a material hoarder too.

One of these quilts was made of mostly my father’s shirts.  I think he was a shirt hoarder as he had a whole closet full of button down shirts.  I don’t think they every threw or gave clothing away. (Oh, and I saved all the buttons.)

And just so you know, these quilts are not works of art.  I just piece materials together.  I’d really like to make a real quilt like a log cabin or an applique quilt but I don’t think I have the patience to do such.  I’m just quilting because I have the material and I do love to sew.

I had so much fun with this last quilt that I may try to make another one.  You cut the blue jean material into rounds and put a pretty fabric square in the middle and sew the outside round edges onto the square.  I think it is called a peek-a-boo quilt.  When it is washed the round edges fray and it is quite pretty.

However, I must let my fingers recover before I start again.  Sewing double thicknesses of denim really take its toll on your fingers.  And I have broken all my fingernails pulling the needle through.

And, no, I still haven't figure out this new computer and my photos or the smart phone either.  I snarfed the photo from the internet. But that is what my new quilt looks like.  Isn't it pretty?

Peace be with you.