This newest retirement adventure is another one I could really have done without.  My little dog, Jessie, is very ill.  She has a mass growth on her liver and her kidneys are not working properly either.  We decided not to make her go through an extensive biopsy to determine if this is cancer or what.  She is 13 years old and has been going downhill for the past year.  The last month has been just terrible for her.  She refuses to eat.  She still drinks her water (way too much) and goes outside to potty but she sleeps and shakes most of the day and night.

I have been force feeding her the medication the doctor gave her for nausea, liver and a hormone.  She hates it but swallows like a good girl.  I see that that stays down and then I forced feed her some baby food and a syringe of water.

She shakes terribly and I know she is in pain from her little squinty eyes.  My heart just aches for her.

I read an article today on line about when to decide it is time to put your dog down.  It said to make a list of the things your dog loves.  My list was:

1.    She likes to eat.

2.    She likes to play.

3.    She likes to take rides in the truck.

4.    She likes to get tummy rubs

5.    She likes to get ear rubs.

6.    She likes to lay and sleep in the sun.

When you get down to half the list you must decide. I am down to numbers 4 and 5.  On the other hand she is being force fed her meds and her food.  She is in obvious pain.

I can’t even hold her any longer because she is so uncomfortable.  I just lie next to her on the steps and pet her ears and tell her that she is the best dog in the world.  She sometimes opens her eyes and looks at me in the most pitiful way.

I don’t want to let me little girl go but I think I must.  We will no longer go on long truck rides and bark at the cows and horses.  We will no longer go to the campground or into the woods and walk and chase the gophers and see the deer.  We won’t be walking across the dam with the wind blowing at our faces.  We will no longer be chasing the ball or playing with the chew toys.

The hubster and I have just discussed it and we will wait until Monday to see if there is any change.  If not then we will request a pill for her to take at home while we hold her.

My heart is breaking, his heart is breaking.  Her little heart has already been broken.