Tuesday, February 3, 2015

One of the hardest times in my life was the couple of years before my girls went away to college.  I believe I started grieving when they were Sophomore and Freshman. Anticipatory grief.  Only I would waste my time doing such nonsense.  I think I wrote this one day before they left.

Letting Go

This zigzagging fortress created by my mind and emotions
  has suddenly left me unarmed and vulnerable.
I am open to the archer’s arrows of pain from all sides.
Arrows of grief from failings in the past
  to arrows of uncertainty about my invisible future.

Taking a bath and hoping it will wash away my sorrow,
I walk dripping wet for my journal with a towel draping my wringing wet hair.
I am Mary “The Virgin”, about to give up my child for the future of mankind.
How did she do it?  Where did she muster the strength?

No my child is not a God or the incarnate savior
  but to me my children were my saving grace.
They gave my life purpose, pleasure and pain.
Where will I find my new purpose?

I must go on into the darkness because they will take me into light.

Got to get fresh batteries for the flashlight tomorrow.  Reasons for living.

Once my reasons for living.  I am so proud of both of them.  Such fine ladies and with jobs and insurance, and husbands who love them dearly.

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