Sunday, January 18, 2015

For the past month I have made myself get up early (4:30 am once) and do my yoga and stretching.  I stretch, do some yoga poses, sun salutation and some Pilate's.  I feel so much better after I do this.

This morning as I had finished and was try to sit zazen, I thought to myself, "This is who I truly am."  And I backed away from the thought and chastised myself for not being this person more often.  I am a bit hyperactive even at the old age of 64.  (They still need me and feed me.)  I am often in a hurry, I often make stupid mistakes because I am hurrying.  I just cannot sit back and enjoy the ride.  My mind goes at 90 miles an hour.  I go from remembering the stupid thing I did in second grade to why did I break my wrist the first day of my retirement.  I find myself awake at night singing a song silently to myself because I can't get it out of my head.  (Oh no, ELO.)

The peace that I find each morning after my yogurt (which is what the hubster calls my yoga exercise) make me ecstatically serene.  I have gone back to bed and actually gone back to sleep after feeling this way.

For those who do not know me, I am an insomniac.  I have been all my life.  I read most nights for at least two hours before I try to fall asleep.  I have done meditation and medication.  Someday I will learn to go to sleep.

In the meantime, I will get up and enjoy the moments that I devote to my "yogurt."

And if you don't know what sitting zazen is I will try to explain.  You sit up straight on the floor, legs in Native American style or yoga lotus style.  I usually put one leg in front of the other.  You put your left hand into the cup of the right hand in your lap.  You begin to breath deeply.  Counting one to ten.  I try to concentrate on the next number coming up to keep my mind still.  So you breathe and count to ten breaths.  Then you start again.  You try to think of nothing else but the breathing.  Such is why I concentrate on the next number because I'd be singing "Can' get it out of my head," instead of concentrating on sitting zazen.

So anyhow, you try to sit for as long as you can concentrating only on the breath.  I can hardly make it five minutes and I have such inner peace.  I can't imagine if I could do it twice the time.  I'd probably be frigging levitating or something.

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